I’ve been searching for hours now, trying to find the perfect quote to add to this entry. I poured over hundreds of them and dozens of poems, each one failing to capture exactly the essence of how I’m feeling. Nothing seems quite right, but I love Shel Silverstein, so he’ll have to do:
“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” -Shel Silverstein.
My appointment with the perinatologist yesterday was fantastic. Sam was very uncooperative at the beginning of the appointment for the ultrasound tech. He was curled up, head down, hands and feet blocking his face, fast asleep. After about 15 minutes of poking and prodding, right as she was about to give up, he stretched out. I barely got a glimpse of his sweet little face and there wasn’t a shot good enough to look at in 3D, but he surely is looking perfect. The little cyst was completely gone, just as the doctor said it would be. “They always do [go away],” he said.
The SCH has shrunk to the size of a postage stamp! From 11cm (about the size of an orange and almost the size of the baby himself at that time) at its first measurement, a full two weeks after I started bleeding, this is just unfathomable to me! He said it looks like the SCH is being reabsorbed at this point instead of bleeding out or turning into a clot. Even more miraculous, it hasn’t damaged the placenta or the baby.
He said I’m no longer required to be on bed rest, but I still should take care to do only light-duty activity since the SCH is still present. Score! I’m also not going to have to go back to see him anymore and can just continue care with my midwives.
I’m still slightly dazed. For the past 3 months, every single day, I’d wake up thankful to still have Sam while simultaneously wondering if I’d have him tomorrow. I can’t describe the moments of sheer panic I’d have wondering if I was going to make it viability or what would happen if I didn’t. I’ve known mothers who’ve experienced that kind of loss. It’s indescribable, the fierce protectiveness for your children when you’re faced with their possible end.
I can’t believe in less than 12 weeks, I’m going to be holding him.